Alan Kazlev - Cyberpunk Sex-Laden Story

Hap New Year
by M. Alan Kazlev
(Released Into Public Domain On The Kheper.net Website)

Alan Kazlev is into "harcore cyberpunk" (Ref) and wrote two cyberpunk articles replete with filthy speech and sexually explicit material. Where and how exactly did Alan Kazlev derive his inspiration for drug and sex-laden stories?

FOUR!
THREE!
TWO!
ONE!
HAAAPP NEWWWW YEAR!

toooohhhh tooohhhhhhhhh nanofireworks sploding in a million color fractals each of them in turn sploding in a million more toohhhhh toooohhhhhhhh sparkling dazzling reflecting off the shiny mirror faces of all the skyscrapers with messages and anis flashing in the Head Up Display of my Ray Surf while the crowd’s pressing in on all directions skwashing me laffing screaming cheering shouting stinka sweat piss vomit alcohol emjay tripweed making my head spin hot sticky SHOOD OLE QUAINTANCE BEE FORGOHHHT this spunky topless babe long hair flouro glo-in-dark make-up mega spunky tits shirt tied in her belt outa nowhere gives me great big kiss kiss soft lips smella sweat and pheronomes grinds her hips into mine sus my dicks gonna burst thru my pants wrap my arms round her bare back pork her fuck her up the vag in the new year strobing crazy head spinning scene she laffs and breaks strobes blinks free some dude in moir jacket maybe her fuck grabs her patterns whirlings strobing reinforcing through tripweed smoke fuck this strobing everything coming in jerks making me wanna puke drink HappyO drink HappyO HappyO the fun drink where’s that babe gone? Maybe I hallucinated her. Unless he was an av, but how could she hold me cos I not in a hotsuit or nothing. This brotha in a reflective shirt catching laser lightshow strobes upto me in discontinuous movements hugs me slobbers all over me hap new year brotha yeah yeah cheers brotha. Cop gunships still circling. Someone drops a bottle nearby smash of breaking glass like the huge holo-enhanced vid screens off half a doz buildings each split into nine squares showing New York London Berlin Shanghi Mexico City Nairobhi Tokyo Rio Crystal Palace mirrored in my HUD a little ninth square expands to fill the whole skyscraper the whole HUD that’s right Alicia the atmosphere in Rio is really something at the moment, and we at World Network News are piping this to you live so all you virchers out there who wanna party can just plug in to our stimspace at CityGard gunships fucking coppa pigs weaving between diamondoid struts flying low over the crowd still yelling haap new year brotha nexta me in spasms on ground jerking epileptic fit or maybe just bad trip but not surprised what with the strobing lightshow hap new year man! some wild eye smiling brotha off his face on ecky or varn or bliss or smash with breath like fresh spew gives me a hug and turns the next dude pooooooo this flare arches brilliant red dot from the crowd nearby hits a strut poohhh! explodes in red glowing sun all bathed in red red red sparks floating down it fades to strobing laser on off on off strobe strobe strobe strobe fuck shouldnt've had that pleen earlier disorientation really hitting me again hope I don’t come in my pants again pleen does that fucking hate that "-as we move into this brave new year people from all over the globe-" Alphonse Cheng CEO of CBD Development (Int.)'s speech coming thru the mike as audio, scrolling text in the bottom of the Field of View of the HUD but the letters are dancing and swimming hardly hear cos of all the fireworks, but it’s all the same shit anyways its always the same all the lights and smoke and holos toohhh tooohh toooohhh tooooohhhh toooohhhhhhh bee-bee-bee-beeeehhhhh ears ringing, eyes dazzled, wish I didnt feel so sick tall skinny Bruvv Iseabail stumbles over in his chrissun robes. "Bless upu my children bless you, bless you." Scopes me. "God bless you Geoffrey!" Bruvv Iseabail’s the only one who use my name, even if it's not my real name, thats why I forgive his crazy shit I guess. That and cos he's memed, so it nah his fault. He sways drunkenly, cheeks flushed and purple, like how they get when he takes that toxic alcohol, farrk how can anyone drink that stuff? "God bless you child," he goes, starts sorta walking to me, think he’s bumping into everyone tho hard to tell cos of the lite show and that. A band of prolies in old imitation ex-cop flack jackets and shorts come by, waving fuzzum pints and tripple X lager, all off their faces. "Fuck ya ya cunt!" "Yeah happy new year cunt!" "Happy new year yaself ya cunt!" Even tho I so wasted still manage to step aside. They sorta carry Bruvv Iseabail along with 'em, not meaning to, but he in the way. Well, sus he orta be cryo, he bout their age and all bee-bee-bee-bee-bee-beeeehhhhh! cascaders twisties roman candles starbursts fracties so many fireworks tooo-tooo-tooo-toooohhhhh! clouds of smoke colored lasers everywhere red green blue yellow purple white upper level Key Plaza best place to be to see in hap new year skyscrapers diamondoid struts plexiglass domes lightshows so many fractal sparklers must be a billion million zillion light beams stabbing the air interfacing with the applets and grafix coming off the Net real life merging with virch so u can’t tell what’s real and what’s virch giant 3Ds of Magnie Ambient the World’s Spunkiest Girl, all golden glowing hair and skin and boobs, and superstud stimshow host Rock Rombert bringing u the very best in entertainment hoping I’d get a message from Angelstar cos I luv her so much but her icon’s dimmed feel like I’m gonna be sick again too much shit too much shit tired of ya old look don’t be a lamer get nuskin - nuskin the original, only from vitek fuck off thought I specified [NO ADDS] fuckka musta hacked thru my operating system again gotta get another update of Sentinal fuck my head hurts from all the strobing holographic laser light everywhere young ppl old ppl prolies grungies cybies chromos phenos xenos druggies stimmies gamies gangers grokkers bangers slammers rammers borgers transers a million different tribes whirling together down a vortex black hole event horizon feel sick sick sick its all going down the whole down the gutter sewer toxic recycling waste dump a zillion little genginerred bugs knawing at your insides disolving everything eating u hope and shitting u out as phosphates nitrates carbonites raw materials for nanofabs to equip CBDdev’s borged-up highed muscle strutting around sposed to be policing but they as outa it as everyone else cos it’s so hot hot so hot midnite and it’s so hot that there’s beads of sweat under the collar of my StreatKred ® OutLawz TM trickling down under my armpits to fuck I hate that when it drips down my sides "-and despite all the challenges facing us, it promises to be an even better year for this great country of ours-" ahh go pull yourself, Prezident Holroyd, wot do u know, sitting in your super-posh mansion coca-cola smart - if you’re smart, you want coca-cola smart - fifty micrograms of neuronal enhancers in every can fuck, can’t even scope anything past multicolour HUD anis cos of all the smoke from the fireworks and all the lightshows hey there's my sista Kimmie pashing with some brotha and it not Snake haap new year! smiling ecked out phenos full exotics dogz ratz birdmirn catpeeple dinos Doogie should be out here he'd be right at home (if he can decide which tribe he belongs to that is) pooooooo another flare blue this time poohhh! cool blue brilliant sun descending down scene changing again in Berlin unprecedented crowds are partying the new year in while over in Nairobi yeahhhh checkit "Myoooot!" strobe strobe sparkle sparkle Kimbie's face suddenly right up close her fountain of platinum hair like fibre optic shower "HAP NEW YEAR!" lips so soft so soft so soft gainst mine close eyes shut out strobing head spinning to much she holds me I hold her hands on her back she’s got the front of her OutLawz ballistic duster unbuttoned and all she got is a bra and shorts on underneath, cos it so hot and all, man this turns me on my cock’s a throbbing point of agony ecstasy wanna fuck fuck FUCK her right here right this here right now she breaks away I open eyes she’s all big beautiful smile sexy legs little dayglo bright pink shorts black bra big tits merges strobes into the crowd like she never was "the culmination of the year, and one that augurs well for for all of us, is the aggrement with NeoTek which will provide- " explosion of twisty-sparklies bee-bee-bee-bee-beeehhhhh! hey did someone just fall thru that gap in the plaza to the level of original street or just strobe effect? Two of them fucking coppa gunships right overhead circling like birds of prey whining turbofans small blue triangle laser scanner playing thru the crowd searching searching "Crystal Palace orbital has never been more deserving of its name than" the strobing stops, and techno rumble stops, time to go home maybe? Some one passes me a joint made a several emjay ciggs nah usually smoke but take a drag and pass it on too the ecked out dude nexta me suddenly realise its my brotha Napier and my sista Jode. "Mute brotha!" Napier grins too-too-too-too-toooohhh! go fireworks behind him and I blink, dazzled too much lite shows too much pharm as he wraps wiry arms round me pongy b.o. StreetKred says its dusters never get pongy, but they nevva tested 'em on Napier I cert. His breath smelly too, tho sus I just as bad. "Hap new year brotha check the babes!"

"Whaddaya mean babes?" Jode growls.

Napier lets go of me. "Hey sista, nah get enuff of ya!" His duster’s unbuttoned like the rest of us, I mean, it hot enuff as it is, and all he’s got is his dirty sportzboy skirt and Raptorz boots and that’s all. The head of his bio-enhanced dick hangs out from under the hem of his mini skirt NEOTEK written on it in small glowing green letters. Jode hits him in the chest with the side of her fist, not the spikes on her knucklers of cors. He sorta chuckles, lifts up the front of his skirt, pulls out his bionic enhanced cock and flops it around. The little green NEOTEK starts blinking red green red green. Jode’s like half laffing half disgusted "put it away Napier!" Smiles at me, in a happy mood for once tonite sus. "Hap new year anywayz brotha" She gives me a big hug and kiss, pressing herself against me so I start going hard. Both my sistas are quite spunky, fact. She lets go, vizzies Napier grinning and going for it. "Napier, pause witha wanking hey!" To me "later Muter." They merge into the crowd.

A small clan of stimmies push past, brothas and sistas, holding each others, wired to each others genitals, laffing and screaming with joy.

Wish I had a girlfriend.

I was hoping Angelstar at least’d come on and wish me haap new year.

This sux.

Where’ve Jode and Napier gone?

Fuck.

Feel dizzy all of a sudden.

Things spinning again. Hate that. New year or no, last time I’m taking this much pharm, thadda cert "-that has made NewHaven project the envy of the metropolitan district-" Someone being sick right nexta me, some dero fukka bhergh bherghh BHHERRUGHHH! Spew everywhere sorta gooey yellowy grey color some of it gets on my coat and daks and some drips down thru my ripped denims and inside my Raptorz boots fucking feel it wet and yucky on my sox if I wazn’t so wasted I’d have that cuhn. just imagine how Snake’d react. Or Jode. They wouldn’t take that shit, someone chucking up on 'em. Think I’m gonna faint. Too much fireworks splosions my ears ringing yeah fucking hap new year thanx for the chunda brotha u wanna move - u need AeroFloatz - pressure adaptive soles, memory-polymer lacings n cilia-generated micro airflow for coolness and comfort - Nike - just do it - yo! On off on off here we go again bibibibibibiiiii fly like an eagle bibibibibibiiiii fly like an eagle techno-fusion sounds like Antarr Rhys or maybe Kosmik JamborEE strobe strobe bibibibibibiiiii fly like an eagle what’s an eagle? if I wasn’t so outa it I’d do a search. what does the future hold? Madame Fu ™ knows. Find put what life for has in store for u with our Madame Fu TM Expert System no thanks I nah wanna fucking kno what’s in store for me thats riight Roy; what they've actually done here in Mexico City is to reconstruct an entire aztec temple complex complete with farrrk, this is too mega disorientating gotta sit, park my butt somewhere. Global One - big solutions for a small planet. All this Global One shit starts scrolling thru my HUD. "It’s a speed thing. Pure, unadulterated broadband speed. And that’s exactly what you get with Global One ™ A blazingly fast dedicated downlink plus simultaneous data compression-decompression and our network of-" Something spraying over me hope it be beer or fuzzum fuck it’s warm must be piss spin round to slam the fucka but there's just this crowd of outta it faces.

Bit more breathing space on this smooth marble step. Well, it clone marble I sus. Like who got real marble? Everything clone now days. Atomically accurate.
Still feel sick and outa it. All the pharm. My getup’s so heavy, my OutLawz and boots and shit. Maybe park here a bit longer should be cryo. Least I’m outa the strobe. Hate that retro disco shit.

Now there’s this trippy stuff scrolling. What the fuck all the music too pharmocoupia enhanced brain evolution through chemical synthesis of neuropeptides BioGen’s Nurone TM retroengineered nanoviroids boost neurotransmitter potentials by 5000% make the transhuman leap to the post-larval grade of interstellar extraterrestrial evolution as prophesied by Saint Timothy and Yaqui Shamanism proof that Carlos Castenanda was originally from Orion the cybonically and psychedelically-enhanced bardo realise the enlightenment of the Clear Light of the Bardo the Buddha Vairocana who on the seventh day "Yo hard brotha! Check hap new year with these babes"

Look up, blinking thru the grafix.

This craze-looking dude, wide eyes, dilated pupils behind his Cyberman visor. Standing over me holding out some pharm in his hand. No thaaanx! Had enuff for tonight. Shake my head. The Buddhist iconography fades to white and out of the white this old dude called - I squint to read the name - Saint Timothy Leary - appears in my HUD, big smile all wreathed in gold halo. Must be one of the deities the pharmos worship. "Good gear!" he grins a me. He merges with the pharmo dude in real life. How’d he do that? Nanofog? Or am I still tripping. Nothings fucking real any more. Droplets of sweat on this bozo’s forehead glimmer in the night like stars. A long document on The Psychedelic Experience and The Tibetan Book of the Dead starts downloading onto my Ray Surf’s hard drive. KKHHHHHHH! Hot air blasts over me, furnace hot. Blue triangle laser light on the strange brotha's hand body face so bright I squint as it jumps aggressively to attack me I look down and my chest and legs have this blue triangle outline moving over them. KKHHHHHHH! We both look up. Hot air on my face big rectangular shape, rounded nose, thrust vents, spotlight and laze sight, zapper turrets and riotfoam pods. Cop gunships, CityGard logo underneath - checked blue and white band over smilie face with crossed zapper and batons - big painted text

CityGard
015to
CityGard
we never sleep - so you can

on the bottom. Timothy Leary and the document are pushed aside as all this coppa shit starts loading in my HUD, CityGard homepage, Neighbourhood Watch, How You Can Tell Your Kid Is Involved In A Gang... Farrk, all I need. The Po shit starts fighting with the pharmo shit. Like, they having a regular rumble on my Ray Surf Fixed Drive. I’m in for it now. I mean, if u doughed up the pigs heavy u, and if u not u could get wasted in a driveby or alleyway. U nah win and u nah win. One Jan in a holding cell. I check the pharmo brotha, what I can make of him thru all the grafix and ani and shit in the HUD. He sorta swaying, he so outa it. Holding up the hand with the pharm in it, like a offering. Yells over roar of thrusters "HEY MAN, LEGAL!"

The gunship hovers, the wash of its engines hot on my face.

I feel sick in my guts.

just go away. just go away, nah heavy us.

Fucking coppas.

The gunship peels off to scope out the resta the crowd.

My lungs empty in a lonnnng sigh.

The pharmo dude mumbles after 'em "yeah, fuck off. Fashists."

Nah sus what a fashists is, tho gestimate it mean one of their enemies in the pharmo cultics.

He scopes me again. "Fuckin fashists. Don’t give ya a min peace. Not like this shit illegal neither."

I give a sympathetic nod.

He takes off his Cyberman, starts fiddling with it. "See what they did. Fuckin hung my system. Prob put a trojan or a virus in there. Hafta do a low level format. Fashists. Mean, ifn it was Black Lace or shit, could understand it. Jus Hip Peppie Tides. Health Food." He stares into space. "Hey! Jojo! That u man? Yeah. Fucking oinkers hacked my system. Wadda ya mean. Cors I had my firewall up. How do I kno man? Musta used some nanoprobe. Yeah howdaya know they dont have that shit? CityGard. Yeah. Well howdaya know they dont have that shit? Like they’re sweet with CBDdev and the dev has it fah sure. Yeah well howdaya know they dont have that shit? Yeah. Okay. Ready. Cool" He sorta leers at me, or maybe it’s a smile. His eyes look funny. Glazed sorta. "My man Jojo’s gonna fix my tech. Fuck that man’s on another planet, top hack but knows shit, like since the oinkas made the deal with CBDdev they been getting the unreal tech, not like the old days fuck what does he know they dont have that sorta shit."

Yeah, well if ya ask me the hack’d sus more’n this clown. Anyway I just sick and trippy enuff as it is.

"Hey brotha?"

Shake my head. Sick of looking at his craze face so scope the dirty concrete between my boots. My Ray Surf’s playing this movie about some juve called Brian and how he’s getting in trouble thru hanging out with his homies. It’s a coppa propoganda vid, tho one I havent seen before.

"They fucked ya system too eh?" he says.

I look at him, nod.

"Fuckin fashists. Can’t handle the truth. Old Aeon thinking. They couldn’t handle Timthee Leary when he was alive and they still can’t. Same as Cheezus and the rest."

Pharmo cultics. Nah into it.

"This about freedom brotha! Freedom to have a good time. And evolve beyond the stage ovva larval terrestrial primate. Ahh. Cool" He taps the side of his Cyberman. "I’m online again." The cop shit is trashed and the pharmo cultics starts coming thru again, tibetan deities and dna graphics and nano-neuronal interfaces and ancient civilisations and chemical models of drugs and shit and the pharmo is like "Check the score bro! Chemical Enlightenment." and fuck this is all starting to get on my nerves already like why does everyone have to hack into my sustem all the time I push myself up, walk off. "Hey where ya going?" I ignore him. He yells behind me "fuck off then. Fuckin straighthead!"

Fuckin straighthead hey? Whatever that is. Wish Snake was here. He’d take the fukka out.

I take off my cyberman. Shut it down, flick the power off. Put it back on, now its nothing but standard shades. Fuckin straighthead...muvvafukka! If Snake or Napier ever heard that, that fucka’d be dead!

Wanna get outa here. Start walking again. Back into the lightshow.

Push thru the crowd.

Faces. Sweaty bodies.

The syntho techno beat muddling with Kirby’s speech and the hap new year rap. A humungus 3D of Ipissimus Agrippa in his regal-ia floats in the air above, pushing in with the Neotek logo. Microsoft, Sun, Nike, Burger King, too many logos, all of 'em flashing like spazzo, making my headache worse. Push past a bunch of prolies off their faces on fuzzum. A few old wrinklie ravers on eckie or pleen or something sorta dancing, tho they nah very good. Dadadadadadaa dididididi goes the beat. Oooh i feel lerrrrv goes the words. Oooh i feel lerrrrv. Shoulder between a tribe of cybies all luminous eyes and tek implants. Thru the screaming laffing dancing hugging kissing crying spewing strobing crowd. Holoscreens an entire skyscraper the Big Apple's showing once again it ahs what it takes we're virching to you live from Central Park with Kimmie chatting mega friendly with some strange brotha, tall grungy with spikey duo mohawk, flak jacket, and lotta bod piercing. My head spinning like crazy, maybe shoulda rested more. Global One logo flashing thru the smoke and lightshow. Two brothas and a sista nexta me sharing pipe laffing and falling off each other must be tripweed prob laced with bliss or pleen.

Snake my brotha pushing past them, sleeveless ballistic jacket so shows nanotatt on each arm, face screwed up, tatts angry slitted red eyes, goes upta mohawk Kimmie with, pushes him back "FUCK OFF MAN!"

The mohawk scopes him. "Sup man."

"Fuckin mess nutha brotha's babe show ya sup!"

Mohawk raises both hands palms forwards goes "easy brotha peace like. Hey. Cryo."

Kimmie goes "Snake he nah mess me. Snake? Snaaaaake?" she grabs his arm.

Snake shakes Kimbie's hand off, steps forward, pushes mohawk back. "SAID BACK OFF CUHN!!"

"Kay brotha ceasefire ready," Mohawk backs off.

"Snaaake..." Kimmie goes.

"Fuckin slut! Whadda beed doin!" He grabs her wrist. "Fuckin turn away two sec ya lipdockin some cuhn!" Twists her arm.

"Owwww! Dohhhhn!"

Farrrrk. Heavy scene. Gotta rescue Kimmie .

Push thru to 'em.

Outa nowhere this gothie vampire couple blocks my way. "How bout a drink hard boy?" the sista vampire, the morticia goes, scoping my neck. Fuck. Nah wanna mess with vammies, just hope they nah mess with me, keep going nah viz 'em nah even look at 'em. They step aside. Cryo! Gotta rescue Kimmie .

Kimmie’s like "owwwwww leggohhh!!!"

"What, ya go, jus flirt with every fuckin cuhn come along?"

"Nohhhhhh leggohhhh!!!" She starts crying.

"Nah scope me smoochin every babe, do ya? Do ya??!"

"Myuooot!" Streches her free arm to me. "Snake's hurrrrtin me. Owwwww!!!"

He looks at me agro "nah fuckin hurtin her!"

I go up so my face centimetres from his. He stares at me, face contorted, hot breath fogging up my smart shades. I’m mega sick. Either he whacks me with his free hand or he let go of Kimmie . His face swims. Fuck this being outa it. Feel like I gonna chuck.

He lets go of her, takes a step back. "Didja check wot this sista did?"

I shake my head to pretend that I nah scope her lipdock mohawk, but it just make me more dizzy.

"Fuckin lipdock strange cuhn!"

I try to give sorta half-sympathetic nod.

"Nah only be nymphoslut, catch fuckin disease!"

"Nohhh wohn," Kimmie goes.

"Ifn kiss ya, pork ya, nah sus whadda get!"

Kimmie looks away, like maybe trying avoid Snake's gaze. Her eyes light up, she goes "hiiiii!"

I turn round, slowly so I nah black out. Them fucking vammies again. The morticia’s still scoping my throat. The brotha vampire, the vlad, gots his attention fixed on Kimmie .

Kimmie goes "ya real vampires?" Snake just vizzies me like everyone inna world 'cept me and him are mega fucked.

"That is right my sweet, we are the children of the night," goes the vlad in that funny way they rap. He’s not very tall, 'bout my height, but even skinnier, with long black hair running back from an exaggerated wid-ow peak. Nah matter that he’s skinny tho, them vammies r baaaad news. U nah wanna slam 'em.

"Ya gots ya metabolism redone an all?" Kimmie wants to know.

Snake goes "look bro-"

He ignores him, goes like "oh yes we are the real thing. I can assure you my sweet little flower" He’s smiling just enough to show tips of his canines pressing against lips. His eyes got a look I nah like.

The morticia goes "there’s a lovely orb display just around the corner, little ones, in the park." her head turns towards the area.

Snake goes "scuse us kay," grabs Kimmie by the shoulder, steers her off.

The vammies viz hungrily their departing backs.

Now they’re scoping me.

Morticia smiles. Long sharp canines. "That leaves just us. So tell me....how hard are you, hard boy?" Ugly menace in her voice. Hatred, loathing.

Gotta get outa here or I gonna be vammie lamb. Like they got viroids that fuck u up when u been bitten. I turn and push thru the crowd after Snake and Kimmie . Feel their hot heavy stare on my back, on my neck. Makes the hairs on my skin stand up. Zero in on the techno beat, let the sound wash away the heebies. The beat even louder now, now that the fireworks are over. Techno fusion, sounds like some Antarr Rhys clone. Laser strobing everything still flicking on and off in time to the beat. All the tatatatatta wiwiwiwiwi getting to my head. This nah very good techno. Sus someone just spewed on me again. Appaluchia Gold - when only the best will do in two huundred metre tall letters flashes across the buildings. Kimmie and Snake are standing under a maglev pillar. I can hear Kimmie going "they were harrrd, hey Snake?"

"Jus fuckin posers," Snake’s reply.

Kimmie looks over at me, waves.

I stumble over.

Snake says "les get outa here, all this techno making my head spin." "I wanna stay lohhnger."

"Nah way, too many wierdos" Looks at me. "Comin?"

Nod.

He puts an arm around Kimbie's shoulder.

I just wanna lie down somewhere. But I follow after 'em. After all, they are my only family.

This cyberpunk story had me falling out my chair laughing. Not because of its sleaziness, psycho-babble, uncommon grammar and atrocious spelling mistakes. Rather, I was thoroughly amused that Anti-Sai Activists (including the pseudo-moralists Robert Priddy, Barry Pittard, Kevin Shepherd and Brian Steel) heavily cite and reference Alan Kazlev as an honest, decent, sober and credible person against me. Apparently, Ex-Devotees are in for a surprise! Expect critics to ignore, dismiss and trivialize Kazlev's sleaze, images of a "pornographic kind" and moral debauchery.

Also See:
- Alan Kazlev - Cyberpunk Druggy Article
- Grungy Alan Kazlev